The Lair of Innocent Sinners

on losing something (thirty-two weeks working)

2008-01-27T11:47:00.000+08:00

this is a story of friendship.

of me and my old phone, that i don't even know what model was.
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my sister introduced me to it - my old phone. it was something she gave me for christmas - her phone, handed down to me.

therefore, it was something i really never wished for. i had something else in mind. but i got no choice because i was still dependent at that time, and anything freely given to me was a blessing.

so the friendship began. out of nothing, into something.

at that time of course, the handed down phone was cooler than my first nokia 5210 cellphone... but not so cool against the new camphones available. but i was fine with that. at least i had a phone that was, at least from my point-of-view, new.

that was what mattered to me three years ago.

the handed-down phone had a built-in fm radio, and other features that was more advance than those of 5210 - calendar, stopwatch, countdown timer, tone composer, and integrated phonebook (haha.. advance pa tong mga to para sa kin dati...)

for three years, that one-sided friendship between me and my phone had been very memorable.
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three christmas' eves. three new year's eves. three birthdays. one graduation. a lot of company interview calls. at least three job offer calls.

these were only some of the events we had shared. more importantly, between those events, some calls and messages were made and received - from petty to normal to important to life-threatening.

my old phone was there for me.
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last christmas, i bought a new phone for myself as a gift, a nokia 5310 express music - way cooler than my old phone. too much way cooler.

from the very start, me and my 5310 already have a connection. it was something i really wanted for myself. i've researched about it. and it was something i paid for with my earnings.

let's just say we are more compatible than my old phone. in other words, the other old phone was overshadowed.
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despite having a replacement, i still kept the old one as my second phone. i bought a smart sim card to make it of use.

but slowly, my old phone became useless to me becaue i only know a handful of people who are with smart.

until there came a time when the only feature from the old phone that was useful to me was its alarm clock.
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i lost my old phone last week, tuesday.

it may have slipped from my right side pocket while i was on the jeepney.

and there, i realized what i lost.

true. you don't realize the value of something until it's gone.

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with the phone, i lost some important contact details. i failed to transfer them, since it would be done manually, given that the phone is outdated.

my collection of quotes were also there, from different kinds of people who are important to me. all kinds of quotes - from mushy to friendly to gory to weird.

memories lost.

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during those first hours of lost, i felt an odd feeling of fleeting strength. as if something really important was taken out of my system. odd.

for an old cellphone, i should not be feeling that way, but i did.

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i realized how i became careless with the old phone.

i recalled the days when it was the sole thing that is important to me.

and when its replacement arrived, i became neglectful of it.
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maybe it is for the better.

sometimes something has to go.

all we can do is accept the fact that it is gone.

and move on.

the series (seven months working)

2008-01-06T13:02:00.000+08:00

seven months now, twenty-seven entries written, this is the twenty-eight.

what has this series achieved besides all the obvious drama in it...
1. the series has become my outlet of negativity. i was able to let it out of my emotional system to move on week after week after week.
2. the series has documented every happening in my life relevant to my work... some may be happy... some may tragic... but hey, it's still interesting and surprising in my part, that i have something to share to all of you every week.
3. the series has made me exposed everyone's concerns. perhaps, this is the most fulfilling part, especially when you guys leave your comments of support, that somehow i was able to shout out the exact feelings that you have. somehow, this has motivated me to continue writing, not only for my sake, but for everyone else as well.
4. the series has made me more open. i became more honest to people that i meet. i even let my officemates read my posts, for them to know me more.
5. the series has somehow helped me lay down all the issues i have with work. some officemates have been concerned about my negativity, and therefore, approached me to talk about it. and after that, my relationship with them has been harmonious.
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so there, to all of you who spent time reading my previous posts and commented about it.. i give you my appreciations.

a new year of work has begun.
till my next entry.

Visual DNA

2007-04-30T00:54:00.001+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-04-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

avatar: pepe

2006-01-09T12:54:00.000+08:00

Ikaw ay isang kabataan na hindi man naliligaw ng landas, ay hindi naman malaman kung anong daan ang tatahakin. Ikaw ay nakakulong sa isang imaheng iyong tinaggap, ngunit hindi naman talaga inasahan mula sa iyo.

Buong buhay mo ay naging masunurin ka sa mga nais ng iyong magulang. Hindi man nila direktang sabihin ang kanilang mga nais para sa iyo, batid mo ito sa iyong muni at hindi mo sinasadyang matupad ang mga ito sa mga hindi inaasahang pagkakataon. Natapos mo ng maluwat ang iyong mababa at mataas na baitang ng pag-aaral taglay ang mataas na marka at parangal. Subalit unti-unti mong nakita ang mga pagkukulang sa iyong buhay. Batid mo ang matinding kalungkutan na iyong nadarama.

Hanggang sa magsawa ka na sa imaheng iyong tinaggap, ngunit hindi naman talaga inasahan mula sa iyo. Hindi ka nila inaasahan na maging precocious, kaya ng matuklasan nila ang iyong talento at kapasidad ay sinuportahan ka nila upang matamo ang pinakamatagumpay na tahakin para sa iyong kinabukasan. Dahil dito ay napaniwala mo rin ang iyong sarili sa mga taglay mong kakayahan.

At ngayon, nasa kolehiyo ka na, taglay ang akala ng iyong kagalingan, na balang araw ay may magagawa ka at mapapatunayan - hindi man para sa iyong bayan, ay para sa iyong pamilya. At higit sa lahat, gusto mong patunayan ito sa iyong sarili.

Subalit hindi pumanaw ang kalungkutan at pagkasawa. Dumating ang araw na ayaw nang tumanggap pa ng iyong isipan ng mga teorya, ng paliwanag. Pakiramdam mo na naintindihan mo na ang mga mahalagang bagay na dapat unawain. Ito ang mga bagay na hindi makikita sa mga aklat na paulit-ulit na inuukit sa iyong bagot na bagot na pag-iisip, “maximize profit, minimize cost”. Ang ruta na dapat raw bagtasin upang matamo ang karangyaan, at kung sinuswerte ka ay “kapalagayan ng pag-iisip”, daw.

At dumating na ang araw na nais mo nang kumawala sa imaheng iyong tinaggap ngunit hindi naman talaga inaasahan mula sa iyo. Mula noon, ay tinalikuran mo na ang intellectual complacency. Mas ninais mo ng lumikha ng mga bagay. Yung mga bagay na mula noon ay itinuturo sa iyo. Para sa iyo, ang mga aral ay dapat isinasabuhay upang makatulong sa iba, upang makapagbago ng buhay.

Subalit hindi mo alam kung paano mo magagawang makatakas sa imaheng ito. Buong buhay mo ay inasahan ka bilang isang taong bihirang magkamali. Subalit, nais mo ngayong subukang magkamali upang matutunan ang mga mas mahahalagang bagay sa mundo na dapat mong matutunan. Subalit takot kang sila’y mabigo. Takot ka ring mabigo.

Oo, ikaw nga ang dating bata na punong-puno ng pangarap. Ang bata na siguradong magpapalipad sa kanyang saranggola ng pinakamataas. Subalit ikaw ay nagbago. At ngayon ay nais mong maging karaniwan, upang matakasan ang lungkot ng iyong pag-iisa.

Ang kalayaan, iyong napagtanto, ay makikita mo lang sa pag-unawa na kahit ang mga taong tinitingala, ginagalang, at tinutularan, ay may kanya-kanya ring kamalian na buong tapang nilang ginawa, tinaggap, at pinagbago. Higit sa bantayog ng tagumpay ng mga iniidolo mo, nais mong mas kilalanin sila bilang karaniwang taong tulad mo rin ay nabuhay na puno ng suliranin at bumangon upang maging kung sino man sila ngayon.

Iyong pinapanalangin na makawala ka sa seldang kinakukulungan mo ngayon, makita ang tunay na halaga ng buhay, harapin ang iyong mga takot na nakataas-noo, at sa wakas ay magawa mo ang pinakamahalang bagay na iyong buong-pusong pinapangarap, sa harap ng maningning na sikat ng araw.

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reaction paper in PI 100 (Rizal)

Silang mga Gising at Maingay...

2005-12-12T11:02:00.000+08:00

Sino ba naman ang hindi maiinis kung ikaw ay magambala sa iyong pagkahimbing? Hindi ba’t masarap umidlip? Alam ko na ang pinakasimpleng bagay na ninanais mo ay isang payapang paligid, na kung saan ay maari kang matulog at magpakalulong sa isang daigdig ng pantasya at panaginip.

Si Kristo.

Marahil kung nasa panahon ka niya, at ikaw ay naisilang bilang isang Hudyo, marahil isa ka na sa mga nagpapako sa kanya. Aminin mo. Kung ngayon ay aktibo ka sa iyong relihiyon at matibay ang paniniwala sa iyong Diyos, marahil ay hindi ka basta-basta maniniwala na may isang anak ng Diyos na darating. Hindi mo ikakaila ang relihiyon na mayroon ka. Hindi mo sasabihing mali ang isang bagay na pinaniwalaan mo buong buhay mo. Alam mo na ang mga bagay na nakagisnan mo na ang siyang tama at nararapat. Alam mo na dapat lang na mamatay ang isang tao na nagkukunwaring propeta. Hanggang sa magising ka sa isang katotohanan, na maari ka ring magkamali. Pero syempre, hindi ako ikaw. Katoliko ako. Ika’y Hudyo.

Si Rizal.

Marahil kung nasa panahon ka niya, at ikaw ay naisilang bilang isang Espanol, o isa sa mga nabihisang maging Espanol, marahil isa ka na sa nagnanais na ipabaril siya sa Bagumbayan. Aminin mo. Kung ngayon ay nasisilaw ka sa ganda ng Amerika at Europa, na halos walang kahulugan ang iyong pagka-Pilipino, marahil ay maiinsulto ka rin kapag may umapi sa isang bagay na matagal mo nang hinahangaan. Hindi mo makikita ang kamalian ng sistema. Hindi mo sasabihing, walang exploitasyon na nagaganap sa paligid mo. Alam mo na ang mga bagay na nakagisnan mo na ang siyang tama at nararapat. Alam mo na dapat lang na mamatay ang isang tao na taksil sa iyong nakasanayang lipunan. Hanggang sa magising ka sa isang katotohanan, na maari ka ring magkamali. Pero syempre, hindi ako ikaw. Pilipino ako. Ika’y kolonyal.

Si Sison at ang CPP-NPA.

At ngayon, panahon mo na ito. Ikaw ay naisilang bilang Pilipinong umaasa ng kapayapaan, marahil isa ka na sa mga nagnanais na makulong ang mga taong binansagan mong terorista. Aminin mo. Kung ngayon ay kuntento ka na sa mga nakikita mo, o kung hindi man ay nagnanais manahimik na lang, marahil ay isa ka sa mga taong nandidiring maging bahagi sila ng iyong lipunan. Hindi mo matatanggap ang kanilang mga pinaglalaban. Hindi mo sasabihing, tama ang pagbabagong kanilang hinihingi. Alam mo na ang ang bagay na nakagisnan mo na ang siyang tama at nararapat. Alam mo na dapat lamang silang makulong, dahil sila ay kabilang sa mga salot ng lipunan. Sila ay mga terorista na pumapaslang ng inosenteng buhay. Ngunit paano kung magising ka na lang sa katotohan na sila pala ay mga simpleng tao lang na nagnanais ng totoong pagbabago at pag-unlad mula sa gobyerno. Isang bagong Pilipinas na wala nang pang-aapi. Isang tunay na Pilipinas na iyong matagal ng pinapangarap. Hindi ko sinasabi na sila lang ang tama, at tayo ang mali. Nais ko lang ipakita na huwag natin silang agad husgahan. Alamin natin ang mga datos. Pakinggan ang kanilang pinaglalaban. Tanggapin natin ang katotohan na maari tayong magkamali. Pero syempre, hindi ako ikaw. Gising ako. Ika’y tulog.

Alam ko na hindi habambuhay ay kailangan gising. Kailangan din nating matulog upang makapagpahinga ang ating pag-iisip, upang kinabukasa’y maging wasto ang ating mga desisyon. Ngunit hindi habambuhay ay kailangan din nating manahimik. Kailangan din ng ingay upang makalampag ang mga taong dapat kalampagin, upang mabago ang dapat mabago, upang magising ang mga tulog, at nagtutulog-tulogan. Sana sa ating paghimbing ay alerto ang ating mga isipan sa mga bagay sa paligid. Light sleep, ika nga. Ng sa ganon, kapag tumunog na ang alarm clock ng lipunan ay magising ka at simulan ang bagong umaga. Ng sa ganon, kapag nag-ring ang cellphone ng lipunan, ay iyong mapakinggan ang kanilang mga hinaing. At ng sa ganon, kapag nasusunog ang iyong bahay, hindi ikaw ang isa sa mga lalamunin ng apoy at galit ng lipunan. Isa ka sa aapula nito.

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Reaction paper in PI 100 (Rizal)

penniless

2005-10-07T14:58:00.000+08:00

It was not a challenge at all.

For a weekend, in compliance with a school requirement, I have to restrain myself from excessive spending and must be able to survive with a minimum amount of money in my pocket.

Well. Honestly, I did not do the challenge that weekend.

Because I am living the challenge all my life.

Financially speaking, I am struggling.

I admit I am much more blessed than the least-fortunate-ones we know. I am from an earning family, living in a well-standing house, studying in the best school, and eating a decent meal twice a day. Based on that I feel I live a satisfying life. And I feel that it is enough for me to be happy.

However…

Here we go, the however stuff…

I admit that sometimes I am envious of the things my other classmates enjoy.

My everyday allowance is only 100 pesos which I have to budget for my daily fare, school requirements and personal stuff. Notice here that I do not include food in that budget list. And it is not even included in the personal stuff category. This is because of most the time I don’t eat lunch. I know this is wrong but it is the only way to budget such meager sum of money. My digestive system seem to be cooperating, I think that I am hunger-tolerant. But with those times that I feel I could no longer carry on, I would buy myself a 10 to 20 peso worth of snack, if is still have money, or if I have none, use my charm asking for my friends for a share of their snacks if they have one.

My only wish is to have my own money that I could budget and spend with no guilty feelings or whatever that I am spending my parents’ money for something insignificant.

I do not desire to be rich.

I only want to have my own.

waking up when september ends.

2005-09-30T21:02:00.000+08:00

it was a horrible, terrible month, i believe.

and now finally im waking up tomorrow to a new day free from all the hassles of school work and organization stuff... although there are still few exams to reckon with... but at least the hardest parts are done and over.

my month began with the traditional hell week in the organization im applying for. although it was tasking and has required me a thick face to deal with my master's wishes... overall it was fun and challenging. this experience taught me a lot in gaining self-confidece and has earned me new friendships as well, with my co-applicants and other members.

then, everything just turned upside down when a whirlwind of case studies, exams and presentations came almost at the same time. not to mention a judo tournament that i have entered into to comply with my PE requirements. deadlines came one by one. until everything was gone.

it was the toughest semester ever. and sad to say, as early as now, i am having a glimpse of the loads of work i have to deal with again next semester. and im sure it will be twice as stressful as what i have experienced this sem.

as for now, i will be relaxing to death.

waking up from that nightmare is something am thankful for.

cheers to this semester... and for the next... goodluck.

the president who cried innocence*

2005-07-02T10:54:00.000+08:00

it was indeed a well-planned move.

almost simultaneous with the news about cardinal jaime sin’s departure, finally our president has broken her silence. the once ironclad, too proud ass officer has metamorphosed into a pitiful, humble lady as she begged for everyone’s forgiveness on national television. on her apology speech for the nation she admitted that she indeed had conversations with COMELEC officers during the election period, but not too influence votes, only to protect her votes.

but will the nation buy that? i don’t think so.

the ploy to deceive the nation is into play once more. how could anyone rationalized that someone as powerful as mrs. arroyo would call her appointed officers only to protect her votes? she should have appointed other private groups with that task, not the COMELEC – a commission obliged to protect the public’s interests, not somebody else’s.

she would like everyone to forget the issue and move on as the country mourns over the death of a very influential person. cardinal sin’s death is a diversion. and soon after the burial, no one knows if the issue will still be pursued. maybe, after this, we have a lot of typhoons (literal or not) to reckon with, and the wiretapped issue will soon be history.

the president did not directly admit her involvement in the issue. she wanted everyone to assume that it was her voice but only to assume. the truth is still hidden somewhere. the culprit is still nowhere, although it still points to her. this assumption is no good when used as proof for her impeachment. she could easily convince the court, basing on reason that she did not admit anything related to the tape. in the end, we have no choice but to move on.

the president got away with her crime, once again. but she will not escape the upgrading critical awareness of the Filipino nation. she may have deceived us for now. but next time she cries innocent, i am sure it will be the end of her political career.

"nobody believes a liar... even when she is telling the truth!"*

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*adapted from "the boy who cried wolf"

thanks to mr. paul garcia for giving me some enlightenment on the issue

on being twenty

2005-06-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

YOU is still not around. I wonder when YOU will come. I have been waiting all my miserable life for YOU.

I just turned twenty last June 23 and still YOU is not there.

June 23 is just a plain day. Nothing different. Same routines. Nothing interesting. The only good thing that could happen is YOU to be around, to exist, finally. But YOU did not come. And I am still alone. Still forgotten. Still the boring me that YOU would not want to know.

Sometimes I wonder if my life even matters.

I have no direction. I have no goal. I need YOU. I am pathetic for asking YOU to change my life. YOU could say I could do it for myself and should not do it for anyone else. But I feel so tired. I have been doing everything for others all my life. I have been doing good things for them. I want to do something for me. And I want YOU to do the same for me. For once, I would like YOU to make me feel special. Even for a while, I would like YOU to fill me with desire to live. I am unhappy. I am empty. I need YOU.

So am I in a hurry to grow up? Of course I am. I would like to find YOU. I would like YOU to free me from the sadness of my childhood. Now that I am twenty, all I care about is YOU. Where to find YOU… How to find YOU… Who is YOU…

Hopefully with YOU, I can recover the dream I have lost as I had grown into this pathetic confused man YOU knows. I can plan my life with YOU and build every dream for YOU, and for us. YOU could transform the child in me to a mature man YOU needs. I promise to be there for YOU. I would change for YOU.

But still YOU is not around. But until YOU arrives, I will prepare myself to be worthy of the attention YOU will be giving me. Twenty is a good number to begin, to mend every mistake from scratch. No more worries. No more pretensions. When YOU comes, I will be ready.

Hopefully on my twenty first, YOU is already beside me. And I will be living my life well-planned.

Apathy may be there. But determination will get me going.

The very thought of YOU will get me going.

dream sequences number two

2005-05-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

this is a very, very unique dream and extremely hilarious. the strange thing about this dream was the fact that it was plainly auditory, the only thing visual was a radio.

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dream sequences number two: the radio plug

it was all radio. there it was in front of me, turned on, playing songs from my favorite radio station. then, the disc jock from that particular station gave an introduction to some guests they have that day.

the guests were vic sotto and joey de leon, the deadly duo of a famous noontime show. "in the house today are two people responsible for the twenty five successful years of EAT BULAGA, and they're here to invite you guys to their twenty-fifth anniversary celebration...", sonya smith began.

"so mr. vic sotto, congratulations. please invite everyone to see your show"

"ah. mga kapuso, i am inviting everyone to come to our anniversary special to be held on saturday....", vic sotto said.

then, it was joey's turn to speak, until he was interrupted by sonya smith because of a special radio caller.

"sir joey, on the phone right now is ms. mel tiangco of GMA, and she wants to wish the show goodluck on your show. ms. mel, you're now on air..."

Then mel tiangco's voice emerges.

"mga kapuso. salamat sa walang sawang pagsuporta nyo sa EAT BULAGA. MAGPAKAILANMAN, hindi niyo iniwan ang EAT BULAGA sa inyong pang-araw-araw na pananghalian. sana'y MAGPAKAILANMAN, ay nandyan pa rin kayong sumusubaybay. asahan niyong narito kami naghahatid ng serbisyong totoo, at aliw sa mga susunod pang 25 taon, at MAGPAKAILANMAN. At sana wag nyo ring kalimutan ang MAGPAKAILANMAN tuwing huwebes. sa programang ito po, ay pawang mga nakakaantig na katotohanan lamang ang inyong mapapanood, MAGPAKAILANMAN. Magpakailanman..."

Then, the unthinkable happened.

"pu#%@g i*a naman mel e,", Joey interrupted. "kaya nga kami nandito sa radyo para magpromote ng show namin, tapos puro MAGPAKAILANMAN lang ang sasabihin mo, pano MAALAALA ng mga tao yung show namin kung puro show mo ang maririnig nila".

"e g#@o ka naman pala e. kayo na nga ang tinutulungan magplug tapos babastusin mo ko sa national radio. tapos sasabihin mo pa ung title ng show ng kabila. e kung hindi ka naman pala tang# at kalahati....."

It was a riot in the radio so Sonya Smith decided to cut them all off air, as they continued to fight over the phone.

Then, the radio fell silent.

gay encounters episode two

2005-05-25T10:03:00.000+08:00

this is a short one.

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episode two: the menu

this happened many months back, when a canteen was still located in front of our house.

that day, there were too many customers in the canteen and i was to leave our home to go to school. as i move out of our house and into the canteen, there was this group of gay college students who were buying for their meals. as i passed this gay guys out of the canteen, i overheard one of them said "ate, siya magkano? masarap ba cya?". i never understood what that meant at that moment. i was rushing my way to avoid being late in school. until i have decided to go back home, into the canteen, because of a school stuff i failed to bring.

then, as i walked into the canteen, and passed that particular group of students, now eating their respective meals, i again overheard another pahaging from that group. one of them told the other one, who uttered the first pahaging, "uy, yung ulam mo dumaaan...".

it was a funny and uneasy moment, i was quite timid to go out. but i have to go or else i would be late for school. so i composed myself, and planned to pass the group as swiftly as i could.

again as i walked-out of the canteen, another one said "uy, yung ulam mo dumaan ulit".

gay encounters

2005-05-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

some funny stories about me and the third sex.

AS THAT SEX AND THE CITY CHARACTER, SAMANTHA JONES, ONCE SAID "TODAY THE GAYS, TOMORROW THE WOMEN"

HEHEHE...

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episode 1: in the purple line

i was waiting for my train in the station in v. mapa. i was on my way to araneta coliseum to meet a friend and to watch "disney on ice" last december 2004.

"train to santolan in five minutes", written on the lcd screen...

then i noticed a man, about late thirties or early fourties, giving me a queer look. i was quite annoyed so i moved distant to him. then he started to followed me. i was starting to get mad, but i thought to give him "the benefit of the doubt"... afterall, he does not look like a traditional gay guy.

maybe he was not into something at all....

or so i thought.

the moment the train arrived. there and there he approached me.

"pare, merry christmas", he said.

"merry christmas", i responded.

i rode a trainfull of passengers. bad luck for me.

i was standing, holding a safety hand rail. and to my surprise, despite the crowd, he managed to take the place behind me, and deliberately held the hand rail in front of me, as if trying to embrace me.

i was shocked and angry at the same time. but i do not want to get any attention from other people. don't panic i said.

and then he started talking of sleazy things... the kind of sensual talk a gayman gives as he picks-up a callboy.

details? nah.

just imagine what kind of talk i mean and you'll get it.

of course, i did not give him the idea that i would want to go with him. i just respond to questions that i could answer.

it was the most awkward moment ever, and the longest lrt ride ive taken.

ewan ko ba? hindi naman ako mukhang callboy. ni hindi naman ako guwapo. cute siguro, oo. (hehe). ano sa palagay nyo?

friday the thirteenth

2005-05-14T18:22:00.000+08:00

it was a day we, in our family will never, ever forget.
it was the day we almost lost andrea, my niece.
she is two years old.

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call me supertitious, but i know a bad day coming if i feel it coming.
and yesterday is not an excemption.

call it "a series of unfortunate events", but from what i experienced yesterday, friday the thirteenth is for real.

my misfortune began during my summer class when i chose not to do the assignment for that day, our teacher, for what most of us thought, never collects assignments. but that day, is really an excemption. immediately, upon his arrival, my dreaded accounting professor, collected all the papers, telling us that he will not accept late assignments. everyone was shocked. except for a very responsible few. i was not one of those of people, i was copying answers as fast as i could but to no avail.

then the class ended i went home and upon arrival, i ate my lunch, watched survivor and took a nap, unaware of the great misfortune ahead.

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it was a good sleep.
upon awakening, i went to the living room where i found my two nephews, aaron and adrian, excitingly viewing our revived aquarium. mom's in the kitchen together with dad. and my sister, my nephews said was outside buying some stuff. everything was smooth sailing, until my sister arrived.
with her were the stuff she brought, some snacks, others home stuff. we were eating the hamburgers she bought until she asked us where andrea, my youngest niece, was.
then, the misfortune happened, it was like a scene from a teleserye, my sister was crying looking for her lost daughter as i rushed through our street looking for the same. my heart was pounding. my mind kept displaying thoughts of what could have happened to my two year old niece. how could she disappeared like that? time goes slow motion. really. everyone was emotional. my sister asked everyone in our street about my niece's whereabouts. luckily, many did see her. thanks to the red dress my niece was wearing. they said they were surprised someone as young, and as small, as my niece is loitering in the street with no guidance or what so ever. so they brought her to the barangay hall, where my sister rushed to claim her. everyone was relieved and still perplexed how everything happened. how a two year old girl escaped my mom, my dad, my two nephews, me.

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thanks to god.

we did not lose andrea.

we found her.

i promise not to lose my sight on her ever again.

i promise to be a good uncle.

i promise to grow-up, to be responsible for my family.

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when everyone recovered from the shock, my sister told me, that i too was lost in a mall.
it was not to say that for the second time, they almost lost a family member, but a reminder that sometimes things happen without our control.

buti na lang, isang friday the thirteenth lang meron ngayong taon.

dream sequences

2005-05-08T11:10:00.000+08:00

tell me what you think...
i am having a lot of weird dreams lately... weird and funny...
here's one. enjoy.

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dream sequence number one: the fallen teeth

the setting was in a classroom in up diliman school of statistics (astig di ba?). i was inside the classroom, but i was different, i was in my late twentys or early thirtys. one thing that made me recognize myself is through my voice. i was sitting in the teacher's desk with a dear friend of mine named maila, and there are a lot of students sitting in front of me.

"mr. loquias is not around. for now, he has given you an assignment to be submitted next week", i told the students as i began to write in the blackboard.

in the real world, mr. loquias is my math teacher but in this dream sequence, he is my friend and the teacher of the students staring vaguely at me.

then something happened...

three of my teeth fell off. in an instant i was spitting blood all over. the shirt i wore is covered with blood. and maila rushed me to the infirmary.

then flash.

i was walking in a dark hallway with my maila. i assume we were inside the infirmary. still i was covered in blood with an aching jaw at the same time. everything was so creepy. i felt out of breath. slowly we approached the end of that hallway. at the end there was a spiral ladder.

then there was a creaking sound. thoughts of "the grudge" instantly flashed. before making the first step up the spiral ladder, a creature raced down the stairs and tumbled us down. i dont know how the creature looks like. i dont know what happened.

i was awakened. gasping.

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a friend told me before that having your tooth or teeth fallen off in a dream is an omen of death, and the only thing to prevent that from happening is to bite on any wooden corner.

surprisingly, i did follow that advice. who knows what will happen next?

bayanihan reloaded: a visit to a gawad kalinga village

2005-03-10T10:32:00.000+08:00

From the battle between the opposition of the poor and the administration of the rich inside the government, to the clash on population control between the Church and the State, to the issues of crimes, corruption, and crises on education and employment and the like – these are the concerns that we should address immediately if we are to achieve a dream of a unified nation, if we are to build a progressive country.

Examining the issues cited above, we will see that the root of all these evils is just poverty. Poverty has opened the Pandora’s Box and unleashed all the evils lurking within. It has created a domino-effect in our society, no concrete solution would lead us to a bigger, serious problem, until we find all our chips have tumbled down and we will be in a desperate and hopeless condition with no remedy to fall upon.

But of course, at the bottommost region of Pandora’s Box lies the tiniest tinge of hope available. Lucky are we to have stumbled upon an old effective cure called Bayanihan – the concept of plain kindness and sincere generosity, which is the epitome of unity, as our primary weapon to annihilate the disease called Poverty. Like a dose of medicine, or any other cure, we should forget for a while other issues such as corruption and population problems. For a moment we could use silence from debates and disputes. We could choose to rest until the medicine has its way done and everything will fall into its rightful place. Remember the remedy called Bayanihan and put it into action at once.

Impossible?
In this age of the postmodern man, everything, everyone has changed – his views, his interests and even his traditions – almost including Bayanihan. Good thing Bayanihan is intrinsic to everyone, mostly among Filipinos.

Afterall, it really is a thing of the past – an outdated practice which nipa huts are transferred from one location to another, carried by hands of people united with a single aim. It is an outdated practice, but still applicable.

You will be asking who needs Bayanihan now. Now that we dwell in brick homes? Now that we are settling in a single area for long periods? Now that crimes are prevalent that to trust our neighbors is no longer practical?

I will tell you, it is now that we need Bayanihan the most. It is now that we need a nation united in a single vision. It is now that we should look back at our neighbors, accommodate trust, forget fear and begin awareness of their lives, their history and their needs.

The truth is we have adapted to isolate ourselves apart from our countrymen. We have become indifferent and passive. We have taken-for-granted the reality that while some-fortunate-us live decently in our homes, the many-unfortunate-them dwells in makeshift houses illegally situated or even had none to call their own. We are blinded that while some are rising ahead in the economic ladder, many dwindle or even stagnate below it. We are engulfed by the illusion that there is nothing we could do to change the system – that the Philippines is a basket case. Doldrums is evident in rich and poor alike.

It is an unbreakable cycle of give and take, played by the rich and the poor respectively. Some rich have accepted this “rule to provide”, as some poor has remained complacent in accepting alms from the other party. We could only hope that time will come when the privileged will no longer feel the “burden” and “pressure” of their social obligation to “help”, as the other party begins to elevate their status and coexist with their counterparts with dignity.

Possible!
It is refreshing to have found-out that some Filipinos have learned to change their ways have chosen to depend from each other – the spirit of Bayanihan. Bayanihan has indeed evolved and is again alive and kicking in the postmodern age.

One great story is to those of the once Payatas Scavengers who now have more reasons to smile than ever in their simple community called GK Village – Brookespoint. After the deadly crash of 2000, some scavengers have chosen to reform their ways and establish a community. From scratch, they have work hard to improve their condition. With their own efforts, they have removed tons of garbage from their area and have helped each other establish simple but more decent homes. They have initiated the development of Bagong Silangan by asking help from the local government. It is a good thing that the government has given them support, but it is still the people’s cooperation that made every change possible. The once dumpsite is now a much acceptable site to live-in. With additional financial aids given to them by various private organizations, slowly the new village has risen from the ruins of Payatas dumpsite.

By the year 2003, an NGO organization with the name “Gawad Kalinga” has been established. With GK 777 as their mission, which stands for “building 700,000 homes in 700 communities within 7 years”, Gawad Kalinga has provided low-cost shelters to those people who had none – like the scavengers of Payatas.

GK arrived to Bagong Silangan and sparked hope to the people. With the help from its members, financially and manually, GK Village – Brookespoint was born. Now complete with colorful homes, brick roads, a private-owned school, a magnificent chapel and other amenities, the once scavengers has really come a long way.

Not only that, GK has also initiated livelihood projects and leadership seminars – free of charge. It also includes low-cost education, medical aids and nutritional awareness, as well as catechism services. The once dead village in Payatas is now glowing with development and opportunities worthy of our admiration.
Being there in the improved Payatas Village has given me a different kind of happiness and hope. Happiness provided by the hospitable smiles of its very friendly dwellers. Hope shines through the confidence and dignity manifesting through the beneficiary’s attitudes. Being there has erased every doubt I have – that there is still hope for the Philippines. Being there gives you the feeling of satisfaction and contentment – that we are lucky to have all the luxuries we have. Being there gives you a sense of pride for the Filipino – the belief that we could achieve anything, even progress. It is our unfaltering hope that makes us great. It is possible. Bayanihan is the key.

Now, the government has become aware of their shortcomings. Now they could see what we have done without them. Perhaps they could consider Hara-kiri now, as one senator suggested, or start mixing that magic formula called Bayanihan.

trajedia

2005-02-01T20:52:00.000+08:00

exactly one week ago, the worst 24 hours of my life occured...

it was tuesday last week when an almost-failed Stat 101 exam ushered the bad luck for me which lasted throughout the next hours. suddenly i noticed myself having temper problems. everything seemed not right. my mood was so terrible that i almost argued with this classmate of mine who failed to do something for me, that was so important, that i waited for her to arrive at her dorm from six until seven pm. for nothing. i walked-out after hearing her excuses. if felt as if im gonna explode at that instant.

upon arrival at my house, i just took my dinner and went to sleep immediately, desiring to end that terrible day.

then a dream, or should i say a nightmare, woke me up at three in the morning. i did not know what the dream was about. but i felt my heart pounding so much... catching my breath.... worst dream i figured... only that details were unknown to me.

then at seven in the morning the next day, wednesday... i was awakened by my mom with the worst news that you could possibly hear upon waking up... "nasunungan daw si --", "hindi nga", i replied... shocked. " basahin mo sa cell may text", she added. i jumped from my bed, grabbed the cell... and read the message that confirmed the worst news ever to wake you up. the message was sent 1 o'clock in the morning... from a mystery texter.

but still i did not believe it. i texted the person concerned and some other common friends to confirm it once and for all. but no one replied. not until nine. the person concerned replied, confirmed everything, explained in detail their condition, and asked for the support of our barkada. so i called everyone i could... and at about 6 in the evening. we departed to support a friend in his darkest hour yet.

that friend of mine is the clown in our barkada. but at that moment, we saw a different side of him.
he cried. and incessantly thanked us for being there.

that day, however bad it was, made me realize that the friendship i have with my barkada is genuine. i sometimes felt before that our barkada was just meant for gimmicks, parties, celebrations... i wondered if we will still be there for each other during our days of sorrow...

but that day erased every doubt i had

we were not fair-weather friends at all ... but forever friends... in happy days and tragedies

i felt stupid for thinking such.

i apologize.

slight disobedience...

2004-12-06T14:59:00.000+08:00

hehe..

so after the storm break.. it seems that my mind has been swept by yoyong and winnie too... and i feel so bored... so tired... and my mind is in super-break mode....

im here in our computer lab for an IT class... and here i am... having a great time surfing for free... (wasting people's taxes!!!) ... hehe...

well, not actually.. im just exposing myself to the vastness of information technology... ayt? hehe..

you have to forgive me...

this class is pretty boring... our instructor is in front demonstrating that application program called MS Word...

hello.. i've been using that software since time in memorial, ayt....

so here i am... really having a good time out of boredom....

for a confuse filipino me

2004-11-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

-----la lang to----- requirement namin for socio 10..... sayang naman kc... kaya eto pinost ko... bihira lang naman akong magpost e...

For a Confuse Filipino Me
A Reflection of “Who Wants to be a Filipino” by Herdy L. Yumul

For someone born in an ill-fated country such as the Philippines, an ultimate offer of being reincarnated, endowed with the complete power of choice to become someone somewhere else, is definitely, highly irresistible.

When that opportunity knocks on your door, in an instant, hope sparks on your face, as an endless array of possibilities of who you could become comes flashing right in front of you. Most probably, more often than not, the last and least thing on your mind is to let go of that precious chance to stay exactly as you are.

You might begin considering to be born as an intelligent man from England, whose thoughts could be written and published into books. Or might choose to be a romantic lover from Paris, in just a whisper, you could get yourself in a marriage. Perhaps a stylish model from Italy, in a walk or a pose, fashion transforms into mania. Or be a creative Japanese, whose inventive ideas could usher a powerful technological era. And of course, not to forget, an American – in just a single word, the world might just be yours.

Possibilities are limitless. Just choose and everything will change. Imagine. You will never have to be a simple Filipino anymore. You don’t have to worry anymore fixing your daily budget – finding ways and means to sustain a normal living against the ailing economy of rising prices of basic commodities. You will never have to deal with the bad EDSA traffic or the freaking-hot climate. You will no longer be treated harshly when you’re abroad, just because you were born in a “land of domestic helpers, construction workers, caregivers, teachers, entertainers”; worst to be mistaken as a prostitute from a “planet of sex” – as labeled to the Philippines by a famous men’s magazine. You don’t have to force yourself to swallow the obvious reality and bitter tastes of politicking and corruption. You will no longer be ashamed of who you are nor dream of that moment when someone would knock in your door to offer you an once-in-a-lifetime chance of reincarnation of your choice. Imagine. In one choice, you could become just like them. Everything will change.

Given that offer, you have thought that you should never again become Filipino. You could choose any possibility other than who you are. But in all honesty, deep inside you, you would still want to be born as a Filipino. You would like to see that name rises in full dignity, glorified by the world. You would like to change everything in your country, not everything that is you. You would want to see the reawakening of the people who are in deep slumber of corruption and degradation, and are victims of a selective amnesia of history. You have always wanted to be as exactly as you are – born in a tropical land to a loving, intact family, to dear friends, unified by a common language, understanding and one God.

You realize you never needed the offer of a reincarnation. All you really wanted is to turn back the time, when we never should have become victims of colonizers. We should not have known this people, who brainwashed us not to know ourselves.

You realize you never wanted to become an intelligent Englishman, a romantic French, a stylish Italian, a creative Japanese, nor be a powerful American…especially not an American. You never wanted to become an American whose words are so powerful – they can have the world in their hands. You never wanted to fool any country and be responsible for bombs dropped, wars started, nor of lives that perished.

You realize you would always want to be a Filipino. You should always be Filipino. You concluded that there is still dignity in being one. Heroism is in your blood. Then, you imagined that what you are experiencing today is nothing compared to the times of Rizal or of Bonifacio. They never faltered for their belief in the Filipino. They fought for our recognition – for a separate nation and identity – that is truly ours. You realize you could be like them. You are an alive Filipino – in thoughts, in words, in deeds.

and so i return...

2004-11-04T09:59:00.000+08:00

yah. im back.

finally ive gotten rid of all the doubts in my mind.... "that im not worthy to be keeping this journal" "that im not a writer"

so who f**king cares! this is my lair... this is where i could be free, didn't i say?

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it is the worst enrollment ever....

i came to school by 7 just to skip all the hassles of standing in long queues only to be stabbed by an enemy i thought i am most prepared of .... all these years.....

that dreaded enemy called CRS...

damn CRS. i still havent forgiven it for having my preferred schedule unlisted.... and here it goes again with another blow...

they did not submit my form 5a in my college....

so i was asked by my advisers to secure another copy of my form 5a in the crs office in diliman computer center.....

and i asked them disappointingly, "pano yan pipila pa ko ulit ng mahaba?"

to my relief, they replied... "di na.. diretcho ka na sa akin"

i told myself, "buti naman"

and so i went to CRS office in Diliman Computer Center... only to find out that no one is there except one volunteer who doesnt know anything about her job....

i waited... patiently .... or anxiously.....

i feel she is getting impatient with the irritating way i look at her.... im really pissed at that time.....

she called anyone she could... but none replied.....

until she said...."balik ka na lang mamyang 11"

i left without saying a word.

grabe... how could no one be around in this time of enrollment.... its 11 oclock already.... so are they assuming that crs is so perfect that nobody, even a single person, would complain?

and so here i am.... in a computer rental station... in the diliman learning center.... really, really pissed.

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yah. i decided to return....

this lair is really an essential tool.

this lair is really a place for total freedom.

and so i feel good now.

my writing spirit returns.

word of honor.

2004-10-16T18:35:00.000+08:00

if there is one thing i admire so much in a person is their ability to keep their words. if there is one thing i dislike so much in a person is their inability to stick to it.

why do people give promises if they will just be breaking it? whats the point of entering into a commitment, if one day you'll be leaving? how would you look people in the eye, if you say one thing in one time, and then a different thing on the next...

what the heck is wrong with these people?

they are such bad seeds spawning throughout the earth. they are just there to hurt you.

they make trust an impossible virtue amongst us.

the world is so full of betrayal and lies.

eheads rulez!

2004-10-15T15:46:00.000+08:00

everytime i have a bad time, what better way to ease my mood and alter everything, but to get my eraserheads compilation album and sing to the top of my lungs.... it always makes me feel alright.

it's my wildest ambition to become a rock star... singing to their music makes me feel nostalgic about the past years and the good old days of my life.

i've memorized almost their songs and for me... they are the last best thing that ever happened to pinoy rock.... so far.

even though they have disbanded, i continue to become an avid fan of theirs....

sa aking mga ka-isko, saludo po ako sa inyo!

easy bucks?

2004-10-14T21:22:00.000+08:00

so i thought...

for four days i have survived to become a tutor for three highschool kids... for one hundred peso an hour... i have to teach them things i know ... in full speed without compromising the quality of information they have to receive...

yah.. easy bucks but of course, everything has a catch... what if i have already forgotten that lesson? or what if i do not know it at all.... who needs tutoring now? am i the one?

it is very embarrassing everytime things like that happen.... but nobody is perfect.. i am there to guide them learn.. not to spoonfeed everything on them... not to give them the answers totally.... otherwise, they will never learn...

first half is over.. four days left.. and one thousand and two hundred reasons more to stay....

the meaning of octane

2004-10-13T14:46:00.000+08:00

as promised, i look up for the meaning of octane in the dictionary.

but as i read the meaning, the once feeling that the mystery of the word will now be solved turns out to be a mystery just about to get deeper....

webster defined octane as a numerical measure of a gasoline's anti-knocking properties.... and what the heck is that... what does anti-knocking mean?

this just proves that sometimes looking for the answer does not guarantee instant solutions....

so for all you guys out there... have a high-octane october ahead of you...

as for me... i am for sure to have a high-octane time myself tonight.

i hate chemistry....

2004-10-12T21:06:00.000+08:00

haha.... it was my second day acting as a substitute tutor for my friend... and i think what i expected to be the worst thing to happen really do happen....

i am supposed to teach this third year hs student his chemistry lessons....

gosh.. it has been four years now since i graduated from that dreaded subject... i have completely forgotten how miserable i am with that course.. and now it is haunting me.... i have to face chemistry again... my doom....

the good old yesterdays

2004-10-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

it was really just like the old days when i was still working in jollibee....

last night, i spent my time hanging out with my good old buddies whom i met as i was searching for myself in jollibee.... they were my ex-bosses and ex-workmates, but forever friends....

we literally spent the whole night just having fun and talking about nonsense stuff just like we used to...
we sang, chat, sang, chat and so on... but no matter what.. it was indeed a great fun to see them again....

i really missed them... and i will surely be missing them a lot....

hope that we could have a time like that again sometime

shigi shigi makamshigi fuma...

2004-10-10T17:44:00.000+08:00

today is double ten... and almost people are giving a fuss with this date... it seems like everything seems new... a new beginning for some... but to two of my friends Yvonne and Jericho... double ten means their birthday.... so to you guys... HAPPY BIRTHDAY....

octane is the word for the day... i dont know why i have just heard of this word just for now... and i think i have heard and read this word almost five or six times... just this day... i said before i write to you guys, i will check out the dictionary for the meaning of this word... but laziness sets in... ill just look for it later....

well, i was quite disappointed this morning.... imagine, i set up my alarm clock at 830 am... just to catch the pilot episode of the amazing race 6 in studio 23... but to my dismay i just saw a man lecturing about the bible and family... then i still waited... only to find out that the next show is the sunday tv mass.... seems like god wants me to have a mass, ayt?

call it the evil side of me, i don't like hearing mass in front of the idiot box... televisions are supposed to make an idiot out of their viewers... not to make angels out of the lazy people who just can't take their butts of thier tv sets... except those handicapped of course. so let's jsut stick with the first one...

so i channel surf... but nothing suits my taste that day except that nostalgic show in gma7.... that goes...

um.. shigi shigi makamshigi fuma ... shigi shigi....

get it?

my most favorite show when i was still a child is on the air once more.... what else but SHAIDER! and guess what... im still entertained... not with the story .. but with myself... i was amused to learn that i was that stupid to appreciate the show when i was a kid.... heheh... things are much funnier now than before....

but of course, still shaider is still a good watch ... hehe....

i miss those days when i used to have a laser sword... and babilos and other stuff shaider have.... and acted as if i have his powers such as shaider scoop etc. i remember those times when i used to play with my older sister... she is my annie... the one who rescues shaider when he's caught... or the one rescued by shaider when she's caught....

im looking forward of seeing next week's episode.. and the week after that.. and the week after that..

along the way

2004-10-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

since wala akong post nung friday.. eto yung pang-make-up...

this is a poem i wrote for my Bro (my bestfriend) on his 18th bday...

Moving my way through this intricate maze
Confused and weary, I cease my journey
Ceaseless, meaningless and pointless, I say
What awaits? Don’t care! Come what may!

Along the way, a visible light materializes
Cutting through the dark, the sun emerges
He asks, “Why quit? Start moving!”
I answer, “Why bother? Quit asking!”

Right that moment, he insists
“With persistence, life becomes clear
Perplexed so it seems, complications disappear
To someone who believes in Fate and himself!”

Kind deeds for support, nice words to comfort
Laughs or cries, the sun has been there
Lighting my day, paving my way
With hope, I change. I relive.

Jauntily, with the sun on my side, I embark again
To the labyrinth, we move on once more
Rays of light guide my path this time
I tell the sun, “Thank you for shining. I am not astray.”

Absurdly, I have forgotten the ultimate reality
Nothing stays forever but change
The sun has to set for the night to come
With the creeping darkness, I become worried and scared

Marching my way, this time alone and disappointed
Confused and dreary, again, I postpone my journey
Ponder a while to remember the times
When the sun was there, telling me to make my way

Eagerly, I stand tall, amidst the darkness I go
As I walk through, I patiently wait
Along the way, I stumble
I am bleeding. I am wounded. I am nowhere.

Shedding tears and blood, I again walk as the sun told
Remembering his words and deeds, uplifted I feel
Suddenly a visible light materializes
Beaming through the darkness, the sun rises
I am safe.
I whisper, “Thank you for shining. I am not astray.”

an unusual reunion

2004-10-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

yesterday i was in Michael's dad's wake... that's the reason why i didn't post anything yesterday

i was there to support my friend in one of the darkest days of his life...

and partly i was there to see the other people i have missed for quite a year now... my friends from highschool....

i saw quite a few of them, but mostly others are not there.... but despite this, i still feel elation because i really really really miss my friends so much...

yah. like a reunion we've said... but it's not right to think of such. a reunion is supposed to be a happy event, but we're not there to celebrate but to comfort our friend in despair....

but still, it is inevitable not to be cheerful. in a way, it is better that we have helped Michael forget about his sadness for a while...

i have forgotten my sadness for a while

and then an earthquake occured...

just makes me wonder how important my friends are to me....

that i have almost died with them... if the earthquake was more intense.

i could have died with them.

Pocas Palabras

2004-10-07T13:33:00.000+08:00

i wish i could say to you
what my heart feels for you
i wish you could see
my efforts to get close to thee

"i love you" are just three simple words
but is difficult to say
it takes time and courage
to finally say what you mean

the first time we've met was bad
you and i had a fight
then i spoke just two simple words
"im sorry", and that made everything right

but why that three-worded sentence i can't utter
i need to tell you that to me you matter
when can i tell you if not today
swear to tell you, till i find you again
someday

BROWN-OUT!!!

2004-10-06T19:08:00.000+08:00

it was wednesday, my favorite day of the week. during this day, i usually spend it listening to Monster Radio Riot where they used to play old songs from 80s to 90s...

so this day, as usual i turned-on my radio and listen to the songs playing.... until....

BROWN-OUT!

suddenly, the once joyful mood i had was replaced with gloom and darkness....
funny how a simple brown-out can take away the life you once have....

but despite this, life should still go on.... i took my scratch papers and started making paperboats.... i said, that upon the restoration of the electricity, i will count how many paperboats i have made....

so there is this certain anticipation and longing that i feel while i do my stuff....

until... there was light... and things are back to normal... i have made seventy something paper boats. wednesday is indeed my favorite day....

-for my dear friend, Michael Gan, who just lost his father.

a brand new day...

2004-10-05T07:15:00.002+08:00

its tuesday morning and i am here at my sister's house in taytay, rizal. what i imagined to be a great vacation turned out to be one of the most enlightening days of my life. it was really a wake-up call for me to have finally realized that i have grown-up and no longer a boy.

before, i was contented with the way my life is happening. i was a contented little boy, unaware of the future that is for me. i felt comfortable that my family is there, my sister is there. but things have changed. she is now a wife to a caring husband. she is already a wife.

i only realized this now. i thought my sister belongs to me forever. until she moves to her own house. a house very much far from where we live. she has her life that belongs to herself and to her new solid family.

and i am facing, just this morning, a new phase in my life. the once boy who never visioned the future, is now a man greatly anticipating it. i am a man now with a great deal of responsibilities.

until i realized that i am not the happy boy i used to be. i worry how lonely and cruel life will be.

i am an innocent. i am indeed looking for someone who could break this innocence. i am looking for someone to break the loneliness.

i am looking for someone to belong to, just like my sister.

the lair of innocent sinners

2004-10-04T19:06:00.000+08:00

in this world of confusion and too much anger, all are victims of treachery. we are victimized by this world of hate that we feel that everything is a punishment for our sins. but this is not true. we are innocent. we are innocent sinners that need redemption. to achieve our freedom, some chooses desperate means. but for me, a fellow innocent sinner, the only way is through speech, through stories. STORIES SET US FREE. our stories will set others free.